King of Fools
by Fanwoman
Summary: Ford shares his thoughts about how obtuse our favorite genius can be. A McWeir ficklet from a third party POV challenge piece.


NOTES: This is in response to a challenge to write a McWeir ficklet from the perspective of someone other than Weir or McKay. I figured Lieutenant Ford's experiences with recording everyone's messages in Letters from Pegasus gave him some insight others might not have. Thank you, PurpleYin, for betaing this!

DISCLAIMER: _Stargate: Atlantis_ and all things associated with it belong to other people.

SPOILERS: everything through Letters from Pegasus

RATING: PG for language

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KING OF FOOLS 

Dr. McKay is an idiot. For someone who's so self-aware where his metabolism is concerned, he sure can be oblivious. If ever there was a walking, talking example of intellect and wisdom being unrelated, he's it, poster child for the socially inept. Maybe I should feel sorry for the guy, but he's just too clueless for pity.

Who am I to have such an opinion of Atlantis' most genius genius? I'm Lieutenant Aiden Ford, second in command of the military on Atlantis and offworld teammate to the illustrious Chief of Science. I've seen him at his best, his worst and everything in-between. Let me tell you about McKay, and you decide.

Don't get me wrong, the man is smart. I admit that and respect it, but I don't let it cloud my judgment. To me, figuring out how alien technology works seems a whole lot harder than figuring out how not to make a little girl cry. Yes, he made a little girl cry. Despite his becoming increasingly irate with her, he had the audacity to not see it coming. Sure, some people aren't good with kids, but it was more than that.

This one time, we were doing this Indiana Jones sort of artifact hunt on the planet Dagan. The movies never show how much research goes into figuring those things out. Fortunately we had McKay, so even though it's not his field, things went pretty quickly. We also had the help of some locals. One was this hot chick who headed the researchers. I appreciate some girls go for brains. Sure, I wouldn't mind a pretty local falling for me once in a while, but it's not like alien romance is a very realistic scenario, given our situation. Still, it'd be nice to be appreciated.

Anyway, this researcher lady was all starry-eyed over McKay, but he was so wrapped up in the riddle of the artifact that he had no clue until we told him. After that, he couldn't string three words together in front of her. It was pretty funny. I kind of felt sorry for her, though I think she's better off. Besides, her people kicked us off their planet by force, taking away our best shot at the ZPM we need to save ourselves and Atlantis. Of course, the only reason they ran us out of town was because McKay admitted to these Ancient-obsessed people that we aren't Ancients!

Even lamer was his hour of "gold." When it was proposed we record personal messages to send back home, right off the bat McKay scoffed at the idea of doing one himself. I was put in charge, and when I doubled back after the meeting to ask McKay about video formats, Dr. Weir, the leader of our expedition, was asking him if he really wouldn't be recording a message. First he whined about not having time. Then he actually looked snubbed when she admitted she'd be doing some, as though just because he had no one to send anything to meant she shouldn't. Finally, in some inhuman, insomniatic burst of energy, he recorded _a whole hour_. I had the unfortunate responsibility of editing it. It was like watching a train wreck. At first, it was a cringe-worthy diatribe glorifying his towering conceit, but it quickly degraded into a meandering stroll down memory lane that was quite insightful and frequently hysterical.

Considering our situation, it's not surprising everyone here is single and many have little or no family back home. So a lot of people have some baggage. But this guy is the king of personal issues. He prefers cats because his dog ran away as a kid? Isn't twentysome years enough to get over that? His ineptitude when it comes to women is nearly as dated. He also seems to have a thing for blonds. He's suggestively mentioned Col. Carter (who's blond) several times, though it's pretty obvious he's talking out his ass, and he flirts shamelessly with the blond nurse in the infirmary. She pays no more attention to him than any other patient who hits on her, yet he keeps at it like a dog chasing a stick, as though it's some conditioned response. I think this obsession with blonds explains the Daganian incident (she's brunette), and why he's so unaware of what seems painfully obvious to me.

Weir is not blond. If she was, she'd probably have left McKay on Earth for her sanity's sake. But since she's not blond, she can interact with him as an adult. She has more patience with him than anyone else I've seen, and it's not just because he's so damn smart and has saved the day more than once. It's because she actually likes him as a whole person, baggage and all.

Weir does her best to like everyone as a whole person; it's part of her job, knowing everyone and everything that's going on, keeping projects and people running smoothly. Her position demands she spend a lot of time with the CoS, and the way she deals with him is amazing. She can turn McKay from a full-blown panic or rant to relative calm with a few words. He obeys her decisions, even when he disagrees with them. Considering his ego, that's pretty miraculous.

Somewhere, down deep, McKay must appreciate all that, because he deals with her in a way that's different from the rest of us. For starters, they always call each other by their first names. Maj. Sheppard and I have both saved the man's life, and he still calls us Sheppard and Ford, though that might be his trying to act military. The only other people he calls by their first names are Dr. Beckett and Teyla. But everyone calls Teyla Teyla, and both Beckett and McKay are plainly hetero. Plus, McKay is almost completely comfortable around Weir; normally he's not comfortable with anyone. Even more telling is the time when McKay stepped in front of a gun for her. Not to dis the man's courage, but I honestly have my doubts he'd do that for any of the rest of us.

So explain to me, if McKay doesn't have a thing for Weir, why would he care whether or not she's sending personal messages? Maybe if he wasn't such a fool, I might tell him what her messages were about, that she sent a Dear John. But since he seems unaware of his feelings for her, what'd be the point? For such a bright guy, McKay can be a real dimwit. Don't you agree?


End file.
